Going through a divorce can be devastating especially during the holidays for any family. To say the least, it took a lot of determination to avoid sinking into the holiday blues as we experienced our family splitting apart. My daughter was longing for her dad and we had not built a new normal for our now family of two. We no longer got invited to holiday events by families that we typically spent time with prior to being separated and I was particularly avoiding going home. I felt ashamed and did not have the stomach to hear negative responses about my marriage. That left me alone in my pain. Regardless, I realized that I needed to quickly get a holiday plan in place that would help my daughter and I move pass hurting, missing and longing. I hated people feeling sorry for us and I wanted to be happy. More than anything my daughter had a RIGHT to be happy.
I decided we needed to do ABSOLUTELY EVERYTHING NEW. I planned fun new meals, improved our Christmas décor and started a new line up of holiday activities, to say the least.
Staying busy making yourself happy takes your mind off of who is not making you happy. We enjoyed our changes so much that we added a new exciting activity each year. These were not exuberant changes. One year I even started a new holiday apron for our holiday baking and cooking. We focused on small new things that became special to us.
Here is a list of small things that changed our lives and helped us not just survive and make it through Christmas but thrive the whole season long.
1. Take family photos: Prior to being divorced, I always wanted to take family photos but it never happened. One of the first changes I made for the holidays was to take FUN, meaningful Christmas photos. I can’t fully describe the fun of coming up with a family dress theme, taking photos and sending out Christmas cards. OOOhhh so much fun.
2. Buy Christmas PJ’s and bed linens: Weird right? Well every year now I make sure we suit up in Christmas PJ’s and lay our beds with holiday flannel linens and fur to commemorate the season. It set’s the mood for magic and wonderland fantasies.
3. Attend live plays: The Nutcracker, The Christmas Carol, Live nativity scenes. Are you kidding? Seeing a live holiday performance is truly, truly amazing. Getting all dolled up to attend, the cozy drama and then the after party. YES!!
4. Create a list of favorite holiday movies: We have a lineup of must see Christmas movies like The Grinch, Frosty the Snowman, The Chronicles of Narnia, The Nativity Story, Charlie Brown and the list goes on. It keeps us reminded of what the season is really about and helps to sustain the miracle of Christmas in our hearts all season long.
5. Update your holiday décor: To spark new holiday memories, I changed our holiday decorations. It was not an immediate overhaul, but a few more ornaments, more lights, and so on. I even added a Christmas tree to my bedroom. Changing the scenery around you, changes your holiday experience.
These are just a few changes that made a significant difference in our lives to not fall into the holiday blues and most of all to have a memorable Christmas that we enjoyed. The goal is to TOTALLY change up whatever you have done in the past to create fun new memories. Despite everything your family maybe going through, you DESERVE to be happy and have a very Merry Christmas.
